Karma Confusion

I know that in the west we have a different idea of karma. The original idea, as far as I’ve learned, has to do with the relation between our past lives and our present one. I will certainly put the wrong words to this, but I believe the idea is that we ‘pay’ for our past lives in our present one, and our present life is laying the foundation for what we will ‘owe’ in the next one. I’ve used the words ‘pay’ and ‘owe’, and here is where folks get particular with semantics, always taking umbrage with the idea of ‘oweing’ or ‘merit’. I think that the original idea is closer to a karmic law of thermodynamics; for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, but the reactions are felt in our next life.

Being someone who doesn’t believe in past lives, I’ve adopted the common interpretation that if I do good and kind things, or I am generous, or honest, that I will create an atmosphere where these sorts of things will be returned to me. It’s win-win, since I feel good about myself for being good and kind, and my experience has been that often I also attract good things. It’s not foolproof, but generally true.

So of course I’m wondering what I did to deserve my present misery. I signed up for a language course, hoping to start the next level after passing an exam in June, and the school is insisting that I don’t have the level that I just finished.

The director said I only have the level ‘A2’ (which is almost beginner but not quite.) But of course I do. I haven’t got the next level because that’s what I want to learn. You take a class to attain a level, not because you’ve already reached it. And he’s insistent and arrogant, and I’m the client for God’s sake. It’s my summer vacation, and I want to take advantage of it.

The whole thing is turning me against the language, the country and now the people. (My partner told me a story that in the country in question they built a bridge for a train. They did all the weigh-bearing calculations, the angles, chose the appropriate materials and so forth. All was perfect except that they hadn’t tested the weight of the train with people in it, and had to destroy the bridge and start over. Typical here that they would forget the people.)

I was so looking forward to this summer course, and to learning new things, and now I’m spending three weeks of my summer vacation bored and miserable. I can always learn new vocabulary, but I’m repeating the same grammar and doing no reading or writing. I’m going to try to get my money back and change schools, but my hopes are slim.

So I’m wondering what I did to deserve this? What is this giving me to learn from?

I stayed awake last night with thoughts of revenge, and it feels really unhealthy. I can create a hundred new gmail accounts and write bad reviews for the school. I can create a nasty twitter feed on social media (the name of the school was there for the taking, since they are so backwards that they haven’t understood the weight of such things. Is that fair or is it petty?)

I can also just quit and lose my money, but that’s letting them ‘win’. But who wins if I stay? They keep my money, but I gain back my time.

I don’t know. I had a long talk with Foro at three in the morning, when I wasn’t sleeping. He is ruminating, as he tends to do. I’ll see what he says at the end of the day.

Foro is thinking on it….

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