I kind of suck at meditating, but I figure it’s better to try and fail than to not try at all, right? I get up on weekdays, before work, and go out on the balcony. If it’s cold I wrap up warmly, if it’s still dark I look at the stars. The only time I’m not on the balcony is when the construction below is too loud (the building down below me is being renovated) or my neighbor decides to open his window while he prays. Then I go inside and sit on the carpet. All’s good.
My meditation sessions are rarely very…meditative. My mind wanders, but sometimes I can catch a moment or two of emptiness, of being fully conscious. Sometimes it’s a good session and I can feel the world around me, and I’m there. It’s rare, but it wouldn’t happen at all if I wasn’t trying so I just go with it.
I can get that feeling in other situations, usually to do with a beautiful place, or a bit of music, or seeing art (in a museum or wherever). It’s like for a moment I can just be. I can never manage for very long, but I did get one of those in an interesting place last weekend.
My cousin had a Halloween party. He plays guitar. He’s actually pretty good but for Halloween I think he’d had too much to drink. He played a set and then his friend took over. The friend’s a really good blues guitarist, did some improvisational blues/jazz. And for a moment I closed my eyes and I was there.
I realized it was like grabbing a branch on the side of a river moving downstream. The world was flowing, the current pulling us along, and for a bit I could manage to hang on and watch it go by. The music brought me to myself, and to the world. I’d managed to find a branch, just for a little while.
Today I walked up to find the sun above the fog. I almost just didn’t make it. The fog was rising as I walked (an end of the day phenomenon) but I got just the tail end of the sunset. Glorious.
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