Stepping Up

I’m curious how to have a good conversation in this world where every device, every feed, every bit of “content” is shouting for our attention. I think the rules have changed. In light of that, I need to step up my game. Here’s a banal conversation we could have had in the past:

“So I was talking to my colleague the other day. He said that for this recipe that I want to make tonight, he uses yogurt instead of cream, so I’m going to head over to the produce aisle and get some”

Seems simple, right? But I’m not blinking with colored lights and I don’t have a sound track. There are no associated dance moves. If I’m speaking to my partner, he’s now wondering where the f*%! I’m going as I go off the to produce aisle. And I need to start again, very slowly, contextualizing everything:

“So I was talking to my colleague the other day…” (this is not enough. If someone isn’t paying attention, if you go on with your story they’re lost. Situate the colleague, with a name, a situation, a quick story.) “His name is Max and he’s cooked this recipe I want to do several times. He’s played around with the ingredients. He has used yogurt instead of cream, and I’d like to try that, you know, using yogurt instead of cream” (repetition is good, helps the person understand the important stuff). “We don’t have any plain yogurt at home, so I’m going to go to where they sell the yogurt in the store to buy some.” (and maybe add this last part if you realize the person has only now realized that you’re speaking to them) “Because I want to use yogurt instead of cream.” I’ve now repeated yogurt four or five times, so when I walk off, it’s clear where I’m going and why.

I think we’re there now, today, in the world. And yes, this sounds like I’m talking to an imbecile, but no one really listens today and getting information across is getting harder and harder. And all of this has to be done with the right tone or you sound, well, like you’re talking to an imbecile.

You need to attract attention to say you’re about to walk off and go do something for few minutes. It has to be said with respect, and a lighthearted tone, and the repetitions need to sound like you’re not treating the person in front of you like they’re a friggin’ child.

And what if the conversation is about something more serious? How do we learn to “disagree agreeably”? How do we manage to get our ideas across effectively, when most of us can’t concentrate on the person in front of us for more than a minute or two, on a good day?

I don’t have an answer for that yet, but I’m thinking about it. This post might become a Part One of Two!!