Wind Storm

I got stuck in a wind storm last week while skiing. It was awful, painful. It hurt. I’m guessing 130 kph, because when I was once in 100kph, it was still possible to stand. This wind made it impossible to stand. The wind was like a wall that I could lean against, although sometimes, just to mess with me it seems, it would stop and then I’d fall over. I wanted to curse the skies.

My fingers didn’t freeze but got “burnt” by the cold, and so did a bit of my cheek and lips, too. They hurt for a few days, and my fingers are peeling at the ends now.

It came on quickly and got worse and worse as we fought our way down. The most painful was the blood coming back into my fingers when we got out of the wind for a few minutes.

It was an unnecessary to get that cold, and to have that much pain for no good reason, but it did have the effect of making me appreciate warm, dry clothes all week. It was too strange, though, and too brutal. Things are brutal enough at the moment.

My dad died only a month ago, but all I feel is vertigo. There is nothing to compare this to, the feeling I have of being completely cut free. I feel completely lost but completely present at the same time.

I’ve lost the anchor that was my dad. He was a wall that I leaned against, and now that he’s gone I feel that I’m falling over, like when the wind stopped and I wanted to curse the skies.