“There’s daggers in men’s smiles”

I don’t mean to do it, but I listened in on a phone conversation on the train. The girl was speaking right in front of me, so hard to avoid. She was maybe nineteen and crying. Her father had said something awful and her mother didn’t defend her. The young girl was asking for exactly what she needed. She was so astute, so aware. “Mom, I just need you to listen to me. I need you to stand by me.” She so very conscious of asking for love and support, and telling her mother to give her some sympathy. She wasn’t asking for anyone to fix her problems, just recognize them. Her mother (likely feeling guilty) was arguing back apparently, not wanting to be disloyal to her husband, nor to her daughter. Just wanting it all to go away, likely.

The father might be an alcoholic (or it might have been the grandfather). The family was dysfunctional. The girl was told all the time that everything bad was her fault, but here’s the beautiful thing…she knew it wasn’t. She knew it was the dysfunction talking, not the reality. She knew that she was worth more than that. I was just amazed at her awareness, her strength.

The thing is, I wanted to say something, but what on earth could I say? “You’re so smart, you’ll figure it out, you’ll be fine because I can see that you’re fighting this, you know you’re worth more.” There was nothing to say. I tried to look sympathetic (I didn’t want her to think that she was being judged negatively by me. Don’t know if I managed.)

We’re lucky when we can survive our parents. We are lucky parents when we don’t cause our kids more harm than good. More and more, I’m amazed that humanity has survived for so long, when I see what we do to each other when the curtains are drawn.

When the curtains are drawn at my place, I cover Foro with leaves at the moment. He looks great in fall colors.