Bird’s Eye View

Getting height helps, moving up either in reality or in our minds. When we are most grounded is when we can let loose from our bodies and float up above ourselves, seeing our problems for what they are: distractions.

Fear makes me unhappy. I’m afraid of so many things, what others think of me, what I really think of myself because I’m a harsher judge of myself than any third person.

That’s not how most people are. I don’t think others are in constant assessment and reassessment of their every act and word. Occasionally I can be more natural but for the most part I’m always watching myself and judging, and coming up short. It’s irritating, but I think I would hate the contrary.  “I don’t want to belong to any club that would accept me as one of its members,” as Groucho Marx said. I wouldn’t want to be self-satisfied, although I would love to have a dose of feeling better about myself more often, or at least occasionally.

This tendency is getting worse with age, I think. I feel unattractive, unintelligent, incapable, and I know that the future is just going to exacerbate these feelings because they will become more and more true; that’s pretty much the definition of aging. I won’t be as attractive, my brain won’t pick up on things as quickly, and physical incapacity is just where this body of mine is going to end up if some illness or whatever doesn’t knock me out first.

And all of this doesn’t really matter. What matters is that today was a good day. My aches and pains were at a minimum. I had time to work, write, and dream. I live in a beautiful spot and was able to eat lovely, healthy food today. My partner loves me (even if I’m at home and he’s at his place this week). My friends and family are wonderful. And I have Foro, to help remind myself not to take everything so seriously. I write a blog about a stuffed cow, so how serious can I be? Got to just accept myself, and be happy with what I’ve got, because I’ve got so much. I am grateful.

Take a step back and look at how much we have.