Snail Revenge

It’s been rainy here. It started out just ruining picnics, but moved on to floods and landslides. A few people have died, swept away in their cars or sometimes even their homes as they slept, so it’s quite serious stuff.

The snails and slugs, however, have been loving it. They have been on the move, making love on the streets and sidewalks. It’s like Haight-Ashbury in the 60’s for gastropods, but without the Pill. There are babies everywhere.

So, it being that kind of year, I’ve been learning about snails and slugs. First off, they are born as small adults and don’t do anything but get bigger, not developing any new super powers as they grow to adulthood.

Also, some types of snails shoot a “love dart” into the female. This is apparently part of the courtship process but seems to have no other function besides helping the female conserve sperm after, you know, having sex. Because it seems that they might be deciding who’s male and who’s female based on who can get a dart out first. I think the dialogue goes something like “I stabbed you now submit to my awesome maleness.” There’s no Me-Too for gastropods. Or there isn’t yet, anyway.

That said, they decimated our tomato plants. I can see now why people eat them. It’s revenge.